Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
