Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
