"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
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