It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
