Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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