I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
