I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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