1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Randomize
