i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
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