I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
If he tries to stick his thumb up my butt again im going to rip his dick off with my vagina
I told you those kegels would come in handy one day
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
