he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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