I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
