I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
