My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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