I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
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