you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I held the blackjack dealer's hand and told the old asian woman she was 'soft to the touch, but cold as ice"
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
