i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
