Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I tried watching the view, i got through 8 minutes. That is probably a world record.
They always sound like a bunch of chickens.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I'm just crazy horny about you
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
