U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Do you still have your period?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
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