By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
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