i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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