So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
