dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
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