is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Randomize
