Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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