I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
Randomize
