Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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