I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
