i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
my penis made a compromise with my morals
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
