i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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