youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
Randomize
