He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
She just mixed her Emergen-C with champagne... Vegas here we come!
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
MIDGETS
????
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
