her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
