Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
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