I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
