you're like a bully in the Christmas story
apparently the secret to your success is patron
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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