like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I have tasted many bathrooms
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
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