You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Randomize
