can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
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