I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
Randomize
