But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
