What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
