Got a toothbrush?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
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