If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
