The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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