I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize
