Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
