When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
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