He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
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