I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Randomize
