Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize