Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
