The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
