we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize