Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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