How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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