hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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