I like to think it a success when the cops are called
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Randomize