Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
