The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
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