Those balls look pretty dangerous.
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
