I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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