get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
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