Acid is not a monday night drug
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Randomize
