What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
